JCast Network

OK, all kidding aside, it’s very important that all of you come see my show when it opens. Not just because the actors are amazing (which they are), and the director is brilliant (which he is) and the writer is halfway decent (name rhymes with Flakespear- and I don’t mean Blake Steer, renowned Cherokee porn star). You should all come because I’ve been working my ass off on this show for no money or hope of professional advancement and I need as many people as possible to validate this incredibly stupid and self destructive life choice that I’ve made. Again. This, BTW, is actually the subtext of most peer-to-peer grassroots arts marketing – in fact, you could change of names of most shows in LA to “Somebody Tell Me I’m Not Wasting My Life” or “Hug Me- I’m Broke!”

Milk in a Bag!I’ve been making theatre for most of my life. I founded my first theatre company in 3rd grade in Arad, Israel. For those unfamiliar with Arad (i.e. anyone reading this who’s name does not include the word “Sims”) it’s the sort of idyllic small town that Norman Rockwell would have dreamed of if he fell asleep on the toilet after eating some bad schwarma sold to him by sleezy Russian immigrants. There were three of us in the company, so we called ourselves Ha Shlishia- which, loosely translated from the Hebrew means, “The Three” (pretty fucking clever for a bunch of 8 year olds, if you ask me). As our fame grew, so did our aspirations. We expanded by leaps and bounds- fast becoming Ha Revieya (“the Four”) and, at the peek of our success, Ha Hameshia (“The Five”.) Tragically, we lost two members due to artistic differences over action figures (Boba Fett was our Yoko Ono) and were back to being Ha Shlishia. (Fortunately we weren’t in the American public school system, so addition and subtraction were no problem for us.) It didn’t matter, though- we were Rock Stars- bold, brash and out of control- guzzling chocolate milk by the bagful (don’t look at me- they sell it that way) , wolfing down Krembo (phallic Third World Malomars) and fighting off the girls with a stick (mostly because they wanted to play Smurfs with us and that was NOT fucking happening.)