Everything I need to know about Economics I learned flying First Class last week.
#1: There was one bathroom at the front of the plane for the exclusive use of the 8 First Class passengers sitting in Rows A & B.
#2: There were two bathrooms at the rear of the plane to be shared by the remaining 141 passengers in Rows C – Z.
#3: From my vantage point in seat A1, this was great!
From this experience I learned two vital lessons:
#1: Economic inequality is all around us in today’s America
#2: It’s only a problem if you’re poor
Usually, I’m a proud member of the disgruntled poor. Hell, I work in the theatre- we put the “non” in “non-profit”. In my field, the 1% refers to people earning a living wage or the award-winning playwrights that own dishwashers (Albee sold his for gin.) After all, if you work in a building named for a rich person you’re a broke motherfucker yourself. So, on a plane, you’d expect to find me jammed in a middle seat in Broke Motherfucker Class (not even Broke Motherfucker Plus) reading a torn Sky Mall Magazine and 
dreaming of the massage chairs and air purifiers that I’ll never own, and knowing that while the half-bottle of water and micro-bag of pretzels I was allotted by Cheapskate Air isn’t quite enough sustenance to “keep me alive,” it is exactly enough to make me go to the bathroom, which means I’ll have to shake loose the blood clot forming in my leg, machete my way out of my row, and slog to the back of the plane so I can wait with all the other Broke Motherfuckers for my 30 seconds of solitude pooping in the fluorescent blue water of despair.
This time, though, it was different. This time, when my wife and I were checking in online we realized that we aren’t in fact Broke Motherfuckers and we could afford to spring for the First Class Upgrade. This is partially because I’m one of the very lucky few who actually does earn a living in the theatre, partially because we’ve spent our money wisely and haven’t blown it on frivolities like gym memberships and children (not even those really cheap African ones you can buy on TV for one cup of coffee a day- and I mean a regular cup of coffee, not even a Latte- hell, that would buy you a whole fly-swatting family for a month ) but mostly because my wife isn’t a theatre professional and actually works in the real world (did you know that some companies have these things called BONUSES where just they like, just give you extra money for no reason??? It’s crazy right? I mean, sure we have bonuses in theatre, like finding leftover cheese from the Opening in the green room fridge a week later- but free money, I mean, hell, that’s even better than crusty old brie and stale crackers*! (*depends on the crackers- those little melba toast thingy’s are no fucking joke.))
