A few days ago I was chatting with a friend. She shared that she had recently skipped a book club meeting because she had not had time to read the book. Last week a colleague said that she canceled out of a hike with friends because she was not sure she could keep up. A few weeks back someone told me he had called in sick because he didn’t feel ready to participate in a presentation that day and was afraid it would be noticeable.
Throughout my years as a Jewish professional I have thought a great deal about engagement. I have worked to engage individuals in learning, worship, volunteer activities and congregational relationships. I have listened to their stories, their questions, and the words unsaid. Each connection is a joy and watching others find their place in the Jewish community fills my soul as it fills theirs. And yet, there are so many who never find a place, and that saddens me.
Thousands of years ago our ancestors made a commitment as they stood at Mt. Sinai. They listened to the terms of the agreement – the request to live as a community by following the commandments – and entered into a convenient with G-d.
“We are Your people; You are our G-d and we agree to show you that commitment by living in these ways.” It was a commitment they made for themselves and the generations to follow. We affirm that commitment as we “recreate Sinai” each year during the festival of Shavuot.
So what does this have to do with my friends missing a book talk, hike, and work presentation? Like children who skip class because they did not do their homework, each of my friends and colleagues missed something by not showing up. They missed the learning, discussion, and connection that community brings, and the insights that grow from the words of others.
Much recent research has been devoted to engagement. Data indicates that people are not finding services meaningful or relevant; programs are not at convenient times or location; people are not warm and welcoming. Yet, as I read Parshat Yitro this week and reflected on the moment at Mt. Sinai something else struck me.
I wonder whether an underlying, often unsaid (and perhaps not even recognized) reason that the un-engaged don’t come is because they feel unprepared and thus are afraid to attend? Do they feel they might not be living a “Jewish enough” life? Like the child who didn’t do his homework and my friend who didn’t read the book before the book club meeting do those who don’t attend feel worried that they are unprepared and might “fail” in front of G-d or community?
How can we convey to others that they will not “fail;” that entering is a first step to finding the beauty, warmth, and soul-nurturing connection that comes from being in our faith community.
Moment such as standing at Sinai or the quiet majesty of a sunset over the mountain can fill one with a sense of momentary awe, yet continued, deep soul satisfaction requires work. It is the work of “showing up;” of being part of the community. The caring relationships that grow, the shared celebrations of successes, the reciprocal support during times of struggle, and working together to sustain sacred space and time nurture heart, mind, and soul. Along the way, if not before, most develop a mature relationship with G-d.
So, whether you feel prepared our not, just walk in the door and say “shalom” week after week. Even if it feels awkward at first because you feel like “you didn’t do your homework,” keep coming back. I think you will be glad you did.
Prior to her position with the Grinspoon Foundation, Iris served as a synagogue educator in Syracuse NY, the Central New York PJ Library Program Coordinator and as a national consultant for PJ Library.
Iris holds a bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood, Elementary, and Special Education, a master’s degree in Special Education and Reading, and Advanced Certification in School Leadership and Administration. Her experience as a secular educator and educational leader in congregational and community settings spans over 20 years. She is also a lay leader in Jewish organizations on the local and national levels. Iris served as the President of CAJE – the Coalition for the Advancement of Jewish Education, which was the largest member organization for Jewish educators in the country.
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