When my eldest daughter was a baby, whenever she would get inexplicably fussy we would say, “Teething! She is probably getting a new tooth.” For months her toothless smile remained and then one day we felt her sharp tooth on the tip of our finger. With the first tooth’s arrival came a well of emotions: tears, great delight in Gabriella reaching this new milestone, and a surprising feeling of loss. We were delighted by her new little tooth, and had a strong sense that something big was happening – a moment of transition.
Six years later, at Gabriella’s Kindergarten end-of-year party, that first bottom tooth fell out. We had witnessed many of her peers lose one, two, sometimes as many as five teeth, but Gabriella’s teeth clung on with those sturdy roots. And then, with that one small gap in her mouth came another pull to my heart. A tooth fairy arrived into our home that night, and we had to make an unusual arrangement – Gabriella composed a special note requesting that the tooth fairy NOT take her tooth because she was too sad to part with the tooth, but also asking that she please leave her the two dollars any way! I would look at that small gap in Gabriella’s mouth and remember the fuss that my own mother made when my first tooth came out. I thought of the old Baskin Robbins commercials suggesting that we buy ice cream cakes on the occasion of a first lost tooth. Now I understood. I used to hate when people would say, “You will understand when you become a mother.” But indeed, it was only with motherhood that I indeed could experience the enormous set of emotions triggered by the loss of this one little tooth.
And then this Tuesday morning I witnessed a full mouthful of big teeth become covered by silver brackets. It has come time for both of my daughters to have their teeth straightened, overbites corrected. This should not come as a surprise (except the enormity of the orthodontist’s bill!). So many of my girls’ friends have already gotten braces, my husband and I had braces, almost everyone gets braces! And yet, sitting on the small chair watching these brackets glued on I felt shaky, sentimental and again, that sneaking feeling of loss swelled up inside. This journey of the teeth continues. And with each developmental milestone I feel gratitude – appreciating that my children are growing as we had prayed they would. Grateful for their healthy, albeit slightly crooked, teeth. Grateful to live in a community where we have these sorts of procedures to correct imperfections that in much of the world would be seen as purely elective. Grateful that this was the medical appointment I needed to have with my children this week, and nothing more. Grateful that the biggest pain my girls experience right now is the rub of the braces against their tender inner lips. And also wanting, at least a part of me, to just press pause, or at least to slow this incredible journey down a notch or two. I miss those toothless grins!
Wishing everyone a wonderful break, a wonderful new year and a peaceful shabbat,
Ilana received her B.A. from Harvard College and a Master's Degree in Education from Bank Street College. She was born and raised on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and now lives there with her husband and three children.
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