“I am not a science person,” my eighth grader declared this past week. Despite high grades and positive feedback from her science teacher, she had placed herself, as many of us have, into the “humanities box.” Like all of us, my 13-year-old has an emerging sense that some subjects come more easily, feel more natural, or are simply more interesting than others. As we get older most of us construct lives that limit the time we spend doing things that are “not our thing” and create more time for doing the things that we like. When we selected a major in college, when we made a choice about a career, or when we picked our closest friends or partners, these preferences may have guided our decision making. For if we love to watch football, we seek people who want to share this love with us. Likewise, if we are “not into sports,” then we have probably found hobbies or forms of exercise that do not require this competitive edge and friends who may share our instincts. But then there are those times when we are forced to do something we might otherwise not do -a required course, a new job, a partner with other interests- and sometimes we find that we actually like something we hadn’t expected.
Parents sometimes ask, “Do teachers force the children to work in all of the areas in the classroom?” and may follow up with an example: their child hates to get their hands messy, he feels anxious when asked to write the formal letters of the alphabet, or she prefers to work alone. Do we “make” them paint, or write, or work with others? This dilemma is one that not only faces teachers, but parents too. Do we support the Picasso inside of our child? If they love only to paint and have a special gift, why should they be forced to build in the block area or to cook? Don’t we all remember those special times in our lives when we were given time and permission to pursue our passions, our interests, and our dreams? And do we want schools to flatten the diversity within the classroom and make all if the children into generalists rather than appreciating and nurturing their unique sparks?
These are complex questions. For with every story we might have about our passions being nurtured at a young age, we also all have examples of strengths and interests that did not develop until later. And I would venture to predict that few of us actually had found our future careers or talents by the age of 4! So the answer is not black-and-white. We do not “force” all children to spend equal time in all areas of the room — nor do we say, you never need to try to cook or paint or write or dribble a ball. Instead, we give children opportunities to spend more time in the areas of their choosing. There also will be times when a teacher requires that everyone make a self-portrait, construct a menorah, write a story, or work with a math manipulative.
When I was in middle school I thought I was a terrible writer- I found it difficult to wrap my words around my ideas, and I found it challenging to organize my thoughts in a coherent and readable way. But I had a gifted 8th grade teacher who reassured me that it would get easier. He explained that sometimes 8th graders’ ideas are more advanced than their writing skills but that my writing would catch up. If I just kept practicing and didn’t get discouraged, he said, writing would come. Despite my low grades in that class, my teacher’s understanding of the challenges that I faced was comforting and, in fact, has allowed me to continue to face and overcome this challenge each and every week when working on my weekly newsletter as well as multiple other writing assignments. What would have happened if I had been able to “opt out” of writing in 8th grade on the theory that “I am not a writer”?
It is our role as adults to give children gentle nudges to go into areas that are less familiar and less comfortable. Children are born with potential and possibility, but they do need introductions to the vast world that surrounds them. It is also our responsibility to recognize our children’s passions and help them delve deeper into them. It may mean ordering a high-quality set of water colors, signing them up for a ballet class, going to a concert, or reading books about a famous athlete. It also means sharing our own stories about our passions. Some of our hobbies may continue in our adulthood; many of us had childhood dreams that gave us great pleasure as kids but no longer hold as large a place in our lives. Share your dreams and passions with your children and help to support theirs as well. One never knows where they might lead.
Ilana
Ilana received her B.A. from Harvard College and a Master's Degree in Education from Bank Street College. She was born and raised on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and now lives there with her husband and three children.
- Gratitude - October 31, 2014
- The Tower Of Babel - October 24, 2014
- The World Was Created For My Sake… I Am But Dust And Ashes - October 3, 2014