Change Is Hard

It has been a busy week here at the JCC as we have watched the emergence of spring! Many of the classes have been out and about in and out of the JCC, and many others are observing and discussing all of the changes that they are seeing with the bloom of spring time. As I spent time in classrooms this week I was also struck by how settled and grown the children are at this time of year. The growth and development since September is just staggering. As I watched one 4-year old during a bustling work time deliberately, carefully pull a chair from the table, settle herself in and begin to draw a fully representational drawing with seriousness and focus I became teary-eyed remembering that child when she arrived at our school as a 2-year old. It is beautiful to behold all the change and growth that surrounds us.

And while change and growth is to be celebrated, sometimes it arrives as unwelcome.

“I don’t feel comfortable” my 7-year old declared Tuesday night, “and you are not respecting my comfort.” “What do you mean?” I asked Daniel. He pointed to our newly re-glazed tub and explained that he preferred it bumpy. He liked it when our pre-war bathtub had its layer of enamel peeled away in jagged shapes. I tried to explain that it is nice to have a smooth bath tub to sit in! “Isn’t it great that it is so clean and shiny?” I asked. “No” Daniel declared, “I like it bumpy. I am more used to it that way. You know how food can be too sugary, that’s how a smooth tub is to me.” He then interrupted his train of thought and asked, “Do most people have smooth tubs?” It was clear that it had not even occurred to Daniel that the smooth, freshly re-glazed tub would be the norm or seen as preferable to our old bumpy tub. It was not what he knew. And like most of us, Daniel likes what he knows.

My first instinct was to try to convince Daniel, to make him believe that the newer way was better. But as I began to think about my own responses to change I realized that I, too like what I know. Even when we make changes for good reasons like going to Kindergarten, moving into a new house, passing on pajamas that are small or maybe tattered, we feel loss. Our old schools, homes, clothing and toys carry memories, they carry connection, and they carry a tie to our past. “I want to get used to seeing it before I use it” Daniel suggested about our glazed tub. I know what he means. It takes time to get used to the new. Approaching the unfamiliar is a process. Sometimes we have more time, sometimes we have more choice, but accommodate we must. Our human instincts so quickly draw us to the familiar. But if we want to equip our children with the muscles they will need for their journey ahead, then practice with the new is useful. As parents we may worry when our child is placed in a classroom without their closest friends, or when they need to adapt to changes that are not in their control – but this is such good practice. Don’t you wish that you could better adjust and adapt to change? I know I certainly do!

As Daniel lay in his bathtub tonight comfortably scrubbing his very white, little body I thought to myself that he is adjusting to this new territory. And then he lifted his head from the bath tub and announced, “It is still bumpy underneath the smooth surface. I can feel it,” I reached down to confirm his report. And as my hand swayed beneath the water I realized that while I did not feel the bumps beneath, Daniel was discovering a deeper truth: for our prior experiences always lie beneath these new layers. The ragged enamel is indeed beneath the smooth resurface. The familiar was still embedded in the new. The successful experiences of your children in Pre-K at the JCC will not disappear and will make the transition into Kindergarten easier. Having happy memories in a home will make a move into a new home easier. If one feels safe and cozy in those old pajamas we are likely to wear-in these new ones as well. And soon enough, I suspect my freshly glazed enamel will begin to crack as well!

Wishing you a Shabbat Shalom,

Ilana

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Ilana Ruskay-Kidd

Ilana has been serving the Jewish educational community in New York City in multiple capacities for the past twelve years. Most recently, she served as the Director of The Saul and Carole Zabar Nursery School at the JCC in Manhattan. Prior to being named to this position in 2006, she worked at the JCC as Director of Young Families and then as Senior Director of Family Life, supervising programs serving families and children from birth to eighteen years old. Ilana began her teaching career at the Central Park East school in Harlem and went on to become a founding teacher at the Ella Baker School, an alternative public school in Manhattan. She then worked as an Early Childhood Curriculum Consultant for the Children's Aid Society where she developed curricula with directors and teachers in day care, Head Start and private nursery school programs throughout the city.

Ilana received her B.A. from Harvard College and a Master's Degree in Education from Bank Street College. She was born and raised on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and now lives there with her husband and three children.

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