Two Jews On Lone Ranger

So you can imagine my surprise, when I sat down to watch ‘The Lone Ranger’ and found it filled with one joke after another…and not very funny ones.

That’s right guys and girls, this is an action comedy, at least according to the press notes…And there is plenty of action…Unfortunately, for me, it wasn’t enough to save the film.

‘The Lone Ranger’ actually reminded me of this little ole movie entitled, ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean’ Strange huh?

Not really…Since the director, Gore Verbonski, also directed ‘Pirates’ and the screenwriters, Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott wrote all four movies in the franchise.

And speaking of ‘Pirates, Mr. Johnny Depp (Tonto) appeared to be channeling, Jack Sparrow. But instead of wearing a pirate’s hat on his head…he wears a dead crow.

Now, I love Johnny Depp…I think he is a very fine actor, but as Tonto, I just didn’t buy him…At times, he sounded like like a bad ‘Catskill’s comedian instead of a Native American warrior.

As for Armie Hammer, (The Lone Ranger/lawyer John Reid) was absolutely wonderful in ‘J. Edgar’ and ‘The Social Network’ but here, he comes off as just plain goofy, but I blame the writers more than him.

However, there are several characters in the film that I really enjoyed….Starting with the ‘good guys/girls’…

Silver, the Lone Ranger’s beautiful white horse, did a great job…If there’s such a thing as an Oscar for animals, Oscar, this guy should get one.

Helena Bonham Carter (Red Harrington) a Madam with an ivory leg, that shoots bullets, is a standout, as is…

James Badge Dale, who portrays, Texas Ranger, Dan Reid, our masked man’s brother.

And now for the villains…

William Fichtner (Butch Cavendish) the bad ass outlaw, who’s the Lone Ranger’s archenemy is excellent…Has that whole menacing thing down pat…

Barry Pepper (Captain Fuller) egocentric, Indian killer is spot on…and last but definitely not least…

Tom Wilkinson, (Latham Cole) a ruthless, immoral railroad executive, who loves a good cigar, a nice glass of wine, and destroying anyone who gets in his way.

The film is very long…over 21/2 hours and it isn’t until the last 15 minutes, when the ‘William Tell’ overture kicks in, that I sat up in my seat…

But, by that time, it was too late for me to give ‘The Long Ranger, which opens in theatres, Wednesday July 3, 2013, anymore than 21/1 bagels out of 5.

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Joan and John Schwartz

Joan and John Schwartz are ex New Yorkers, living in Los Angeles. They are married and see a lot of films. They usually disagree but always tell it like it is. John is most famous for creating the cult classic films Faces of Death. He has also written for various prime time series and has written movies for both Showtime and HBO. In the world of reality television John has produced, written and directed over 450 segments for various magazine shows He has also written and Executive Produced several Prime-Time Specials. Joan has appeared on the New York Stage on and off Broadway…and has been in several Los Angeles theater productions as well.. Joan has been in several low budget films and at present she is busy writing screenplays with her husband, John.

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